This past holiday season millions of American’s traveled to be with family and friends. It is a tradition almost as old as the holiday season itself. Whether grandma and grandpa are flying to see the grand kids open their presents on Christmas morning, or college kids heading back for a home cooked meal. There has always been a strong desire to be with those close to us, especially during the holidays. But times are changing.
Across America family estrangement is on the rise. There can be many reasons for families to drift apart. Children grow up and become their own person. Sometimes the person they become isn’t a chip off the old block. There are children who believe that their parents are too present in their lives, they want to make their own way. There are also parents who feel that their adult children rely too much on mom and dad. But the one reason which is more commonly leading to family estrangement is politics.
We’ve all had that one relative, maybe an uncle, who shows up to family gatherings and extols their political views. Whether anyone wants to hear them or not. But you could always hand them a plate of food and a glass of eggnog and distract them. That was before.
In the last 10 years we’ve seen a polarization of America. The MAGA movement has animated people like nothing we’ve seen since the rise of Nazism. Never before have we seen anything like Donald Trump in American politics. He has given people permission to hate. Justified threats and normalized what should not be normal. Now that ‘crazy’ uncle at your family gatherings has been empowered, enabled. No longer will they be contained or distracted. No longer will they keep their political and religious views to themselves. The only remedy is to exclude them.
During this past holiday season on an MSNBC episode of The ReidOut, a Yale psychologist suggested that we exclude these people from our holiday gatherings. That it is ok to not be around family and friends to espouse political beliefs and vote in ways that are antithetical to you and your livelihood. The moment I heard this I realized that I’d already done that.
I used to have a friend and co-worker who lived near me. She is of Asian decent, but married to a white Christian man. When Trump first came on the scene she became an ardent supporter. We’d have conversations about politics from time to time. I asked her once how she could support him because he is a racist. Hate crimes against the Asian community began rising steadily starting in 2015. I asked her how as a ‘Christian’ she could support someone who had cheated on each of his wives. She dismissed Trumps moral bankruptcy and said that she voted for him because he was anti-abortion and was going to lower taxes on the wealthy which would benefit their investments.
During this time she left to go to work for another company. Despite our differences we continued to be friends. But as time went on she became more emboldened. Her yard had been adorned in Trump signs starting with the 2016 election. But as 2020 approached the signs not only increased, but became vulgar. She was a grandmother, her grand kids went to her house and could see those signs. There were even neighbors who went online to complain about the display which was visible to neighborhood children. But she was apathetic to anyone’s concerns.
I broke off all contact with her in 2020. But she wasn’t the only one. There were other friends, veterans from my days in the military, and even relatives that I excluded from my life. There were gun-nuts, bigots, racist, and people who were hyper-religious. I stopped calling or texting them, and blocked them on social media. Not just my personal accounts, I even removed connections to people on LinkedIn.
The MAGA arm of the Republican party is fueled by hate. A base made up overwhelming by white, Christian, poorly educated males. Trump once boasted that he “loves the poorly educated.” It also doesn’t help that the MAGA base, which makes up just a third of the Republican party, live in media silos. And that their party leader is perhaps the most documented liar in our history. Republicans are fed a constant drip of lies and hate. They prey on white fear. And it works.
Conventional wisdom says we should seek common ground with those we disagree with. And I applaud that. In the past that would have worked. In my lifetime I’ve seen politicians who were able to work with the other party to reach a compromise. John McCain and Jimmy Carter were perhaps some of the greatest examples of this. But this just isn’t possible with MAGA’s. There is no middle ground with them. I’ve tried.